We could spend hours listing sitcoms and movies centred entirely on friendship. It’s something we all experience in highs and lows, ebbs and flows, and something we long for whether we realise it or not.
Vaughan Roberts, Rector of St Ebbe’s, Oxford, England, author of many wonderful books including God’s Big Picture, wrote a book that can easily be read cover-to-cover on this very topic.
True Friendship is entirely framed and grounded on our relationship with God. A few pages in, Vaughan writes “The fundamental relationship in our life must be with the one true God, the sovereign Creator.”
As the book unfolds, Vaughan characterises true friendship as crucial, close, constant, candid, careful and Christ-centred in 6 short chapters. He helpfully sprinkles Biblical truths throughout each chapter, with the added bonus of reflection and discussion questions.
Vaughan encourages the reader to not only reflect on the friendships in their life, but also reflect on what sort of friend they are themselves. Do we make the effort to maintain friendships, taking initiative and offering support, being able to be relied on when crisis hits? Or are we too caught up in ourselves to have the energy and inclination to consider the interests and needs of our friends?
He gives some practical tips for maintaining friendships, encouragement to lovingly, gently and helpfully rebuke our friends, and warning on the danger of gossip and the weight of our words (think James 3!) all with the overarching desire to see our friends, and ourselves, grow in Christ-likeness.
In what I consider a very short book, he covers a wide range of topics in a thought-provoking manner. You can’t help but reflect on your friendships and the type of friend you are, and until you read the final chapter, feel a heavy sense of failure. Vaughan bookends True Friendship with powerful reminders of our relationship with God, wrapping up the book with one-liners like: “Only Christ can meet our deepest longings, as He is the greatest friend of all.”
I first read True Friendship in my penultimate year of university. I was surrounded by people in all facets of my life, in university classes, Uni Bible Group, church, and part-time work, all of varying levels of friendship. I was struck by Vaughan’s tips to be selective, open, interested and committed in friendships and the difference in real friends and social media friends; think quality vs quantity.
Revisiting it three years later as a full-time worker, still surrounded by people, many the same and some new, I’ve been struck by how God has blessed me with friends that reflect Christ, and point me to Him in care, prayer and conversation. It’s also prompted me to reflect on and discern how to grow in encouraging, supporting and gently rebuking friends, as well as intentionally maintaining friendships.
True Friendship is a relevant and helpful read for people of all life stages and circumstances. Whether you’re a youth who can’t wait to reach adulthood, an adult with “real-life” responsibilities, a parent who can’t remember the last conversation they had that didn’t involve Bluey or Paw Patrol, an exhausted full-time worker, or an empty nester planning your next holiday, Vaughan’s commentary will recentre your perception of friendship, reminding you first and foremost of your relationship with Christ.
Eugénie Thomas
